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You want sex?

sexy young woman in pink dress

There are two types of women – the ones that age gracefully and the ones that don’t.  I fall quite easily into the second set.  Since hitting forty, my body has changed rather rapidly and I don’t just mean in size.

Never one for regular exercise I’d rather assumed that my body would remain curvy and toned as it had in my twenties.  It didn’t.  Almost overnight it changed beyond recognition and I have never felt the same about it since.

I dread it when my husband wants sex.  It’s not that I don’t love my husband; it’s just that his sex drive seem to be getting greater whilst mine is practically non-existent.

I know the signs – he turns to cuddle me, I can feel his hardness against my bum.  A quick rub of the shoulders, nibble of the neck then down to the nipples for a quick squeeze and tweak then avoiding my rather rounded belly (he’s finally got the point!) down his hand goes for a quick grope below.  He’s rock hard and gaging for it and I’m thinking, not again!

It’s not that I don’t want sex; I just don’t want it all the time.  I haven’t got the energy, the inclination or the confidence.  Why can’t my man understand that it’s not because I love him any less, in fact it’s quite the opposite.  I love him totally, completely; he is the love of my life.  But for god’s sake give it a rest!

When we first started dating making love was exciting and fresh. I would spend hours pampering myself ready for a date which I knew would end up with hot, raunchy sex.  I was sexy and confident and never worried about how I might look from any angle – in fact I can’t even remember the thought entering my head.  How things have changed.

It’s hard to feel sexy when you know you have let yourself go. Trying to ignore spare tyres, sagging boobs, a cushion belly, cellulite and wrinkles, is hard. And my bottom! It is soooo huge! My poor, poor husband – how could he possibly find that attractive?

I read a rather inspirational article by a plus size woman ‘I might be a bit on the heavy side’ she said ‘but I can still do sexy.  Sexy has nothing to do with long slim legs, big boobs or a pretty face; it’s about having belief in yourself and accepting the way you are’.

I asked my husband what he saw when he looked at me. He told me – ‘the love of his life’. I asked him about my lumps and bumps – he took my hands and told me they were the memories of our years together, proof of our beautiful children, lines that signified our times of laughter and over stretched bellies that proved our love of good food and wines. He stood up and pointed to his beer belly, his balding head, his stretch marks and his numerous chins. He asked me if I noticed these and if it changed my feelings towards him – of course it didn’t… and slowly the penny starts to drop.

I no longer undress in the dark and if I catch him looking at me I try not to shout and tell him to look away – it’s something that I still don’t manage every time.  But I am slowly getting used to him seeing me naked. He never makes me feels unattractive or unloved and as a result our sex life has improved vastly.  I have even invested in some sexy underwear and the most amazing thing is – he doesn’t want sex all the time! This is because sometimes I initiate it, and, it no longer happens under the bed sheets with the light turned off – in fact it doesn’t always happen in the bedroom…

So no matter what hang-ups you may have about your body and your wobbly bits, take it from me ladies, you CAN still do sexy!

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2 Comments »

  1. Nicky says:

    It’s not only big women that have issues with their body. Why does everyone assume that if you are a size 10 you are happy and confident to parade around semi naked?
    I have cellulite, stretch marks and saggy boobs AND I don’t like my boyfriend seeing me naked.
    So what do I do then?

    Help!

  2. Claire says:

    I read this and thought it was about me!
    Love the inspirational quote – going to keep telling myself I am sexy and I will come back soon and let you know how I get on.
    Site is great – love the stories where you talk from experience – can we have more please.
    Claire

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