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The Art of Swinging

So what is swinging?

Wikipedia describes it asnon-monogamousbehaviour, in which both partners in a committed relationship agree, as a couple, for both partners to engage in sexual activities with other couples as a recreational or social activity.

Swingers will tell you that swinging is a lifestyle that people take part in as a couple but single men and women can also join in.

A bit of history
Swinging isn’t a modern day concept born out of the ‘Swinging 60s’ nor is it restricted to western countries. Orgies have been happening since the Roman times. The Kama Sutra talks about sex with various partners in all sorts of positions. History records go back as far as the 16th Century where it was referred to as ‘spouse trading!’  Documents from the 18th, 19th and 20th century clearly list ‘wife swapping’ and ‘wife lending’ as recognised activities both in the UK and European societies and as tribal activities in Africa, New Guinea and South America.
Quite common when you look around then!

Where does it happen?
Swinging can take place in a number of contexts, ranging from spontaneous sexual activity at an informal social gathering of friends, at planned or regular social gatherings or by getting together with like-minded couples at clubs, swinger’s holidays and parties and these days, through a number of internet based introduction services.

What happens?
As a general rule, swinging couples engage in conventional sexual activities, but with other partners. Penetrative sex by a swinging partner is referred to as a full swap; while non-penetrative sex, such as oral sex, is referred to as a soft swap.

New swinging couples often choose a soft swap before they are comfortable with a full swap, although many couples stay “soft swap” for personal or safety related reasons. Soft swinging occurs when the couple engages in sexual activities while two or more other couples perform sex acts in the immediate vicinity.

Why do it?
No one really knows the answer to this question, just as no one knows exactly why some people are gay and others are straight or bisexual. Some people are very happy with monogamous relationships, and argue that a monogamous relationship promises security and stability.  Others feel more fully loved and feel they can experience deeper intimacy in an exclusive relationship with one person.

Couples engage in sexual activities with others for a variety of reasons, and the reasons are not necessarily the same for both partners. Some partners engage in these activities to add some spice into a conventional sex life or for curiosity. Others treat swinging sessions as a means of satisfying their heightened sexual desires.

Some couples say that swinging has improved their relationship; others state that they have no problem with the jealousy aspects.

Other swingers claim that they take part in order to not cheat on their partners and that their marriages are stronger because they don’t have affairs and they don’t lie to each other.

 Swinging Do’s and Don’ts

  • Make sure you know what to expect.
  • Make sure you always use protection – no sexual encounter is worth taking a health risk!
  • Don’t pretend or feel pressurised to take part if it really isn’t for you.
  • Take the opportunity to live out your fantasies and try new things without fear of retribution
  • Don’t be rushed or pushed into something by anyone, including our own partner.
  • Make sure you’re having fun. If you’re not, it’s not for you, so leave.

Having never felt the need to go to a swinging party, I don’t really understand the concept.  If I was unhappy in a relationship, I would end it first before moving onto other sexual partners.  I do know of single people who have been to parties out of curiosity and the need for sexual excitement in a new environment.

I don’t believe that there would ever be a time when I turned to a swingers parties to benefit a relationship or to feed an urge but I do believe that everyone has the freedom to choose and that swinging may be an option that encourages/excites/adds depth to your relationship.  Whatever floats your boat!

What do you think?


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  1. Niku says:

    Dr RWT yes, my husband and I are both completely honest with any potential partners about the situation. We make it clear that we are married and are not looking to leave our marriage. While we sometimes have problems (like any married couple) we are happy where we are and aren’t looking to change that. Interestingly (at least in my opinion), when we’ve had rough times and weren’t getting along so great and things weren’t necessarily peaceful, at those times I’m much less likely to see someone else. I guess you could say we close ranks , so to speak, and get the core of our relationship back to where we want it before we even think about being with someone else. Also, in our experience, it’s very true what you’ve observed. 95% of the time, when I tell a man I’m married, he couldn’t care less. For my husband, it’s the opposite. He’s met a lot of women that were interested until they realize he’s married. Neither one of us tries to hide that fact and both of us will make it very clear in the first conversation with someone. We’re both open to having platonic friends but I don’t want to waste someone else’s time if that’s not what they’re looking for. Aron The reason my kids only came up once is because I was discussing my relationship with my husband and whoever else I may choose to see. If you met me, or talked to me under any other circumstances, you’d never guess our dirty little secret . In fact, I live my life 99% of the time, for my kids. I’m a stay at home mom and left a very satisfying, high adrenaline job to be with my kids 24/7. None of them have ever been in day care or left with a sitter that wasn’t a trusted relative (and that’s happen, oh, less than a dozen times since I became a mom). When I do go to see someone else, my kids certainly aren’t aware of where I’m going and I will only set a date if I know it is a time my husband can be home with the kids. I will not leave them with someone else so I can go out. Someone else mentioned ground rules and one of our biggest (besides safe sex, always, absolutely) is that we don’t bring anyone to our house, ever. Not when the kids are at school. Not when we think we’ll be home alone for hours. Never. To anyone who knows me, I am the typical soccer mom . I volunteer at school. I bake cookies for the bake sale. I read bedtime stories and play hide-and-seek and do all the typical Mom things the majority of the time. My priorities are my kids, then my husband, then everything else. Any married person, even parents, needs time to do whatever it is they enjoy. Sometimes I just happen to enjoy playing with someone else. It only affects my kids to the extent that I go out sometimes. They have no idea where I’m actually going. I’d be willing to bet that the amount of time I spend away from my kids is considerably less than most women who have girls night out with their friends or men who have a poker night once a month. I’d also be willing to bet that the lifestyle portion of my life takes up much less time than most people envision. I think when most people hear open marriage they picture the 1070s-ish swinger type and that is certainly not us. I probably date less than once a month, on average. The number of people I’ve been with is probably staggeringly small compared to what most people would imagine. I’m glad for discussions like this where people are willing to ask honest questions and maybe be open to hearing how an open marriage actually works. I think my situation is much more typical of most open marriages than the partying, swinging couple that most people think of. My husband and I are the average couple. Our kids factor much higher than my original post may have made it seem but that’s only because it wasn’t something my kids have any involvement in. If we were a vanilla couple my kids would still have no knowledge of our sex life (other than the ewww, my parents probably did it once thoughts when they reach the teenage years when it’s gross to anyone when they realize that their parents probably had sex at some point). My kids are the main focus of my life. This post about swinging/open marriages just happened to touch on one small aspect of my life so that is what I commented on – thanks Real Women Today.

  2. Maggie says:

    Not for me thank you. But everyone has the right to choose so its not up to me to judge.

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