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Research and plan your relationship

Research, plan, and performance are the path to a good presentation. I was thinking that they also are the path to a good relationship. Research would include looking at what you need in a satisfying relationship. What are your core needs when you are looking for a partner/mate?  I talk with twenty-some things and I talk with single people of all ages.  They all could benefit from getting a really clear idea about what they require in a committed relationship. Without that compass, people find themselves wandering through relationships, seldom satisfied with what they experience, and not knowing why. Having a clear understanding of who you are, what you need, and what you are willing to give, helps you size up if this is a match or relationship that has any possibility? Single people everywhere tell me that they are not interested in wasting a lot of time with the wrong partner. The work of a search for your beloved starts here.

Planning would include a vision of what you want for your life. Not the make or model of a car, but maybe whether you would live in a city where you need a car or not. New York City is not a town to find a parking space, but you can’t get anywhere in Los Angeles without one. Living near family may or may not be a priority.  Living near the ocean or maybe in the desert could be essential. These are all good choices and they need to be made together. Over the years I have seen remarkable compromises and then not so much. Having a vision of what you want to create with a committed partner helps enormously with the result. There are always the compromises that are needed.  Giving in to just keep the peace usually ends up with someone unhappy. Take the time to negotiate and work it out.

Performance–what can I say? Living a life together consciously making choices rather than backing into them can be liberating. You actually can get what you need–love and sex as you both like, incomes you expected, friends, family, children or not, companionship, support where it counts ,fun, playfulness and you name it. Of course life is going to throw in a curve ball occasionally, but as a team with a united and satisfying union you most likely will be able to handle it together. This is all a lovely ideal picture that I am painting. Believe me that I am realistic that there will be surprises. Sometimes we just don’t know everything that we feel inside. Or maybe one or both of you left out a fact about you or your family that might be challenging because you so wanted the relationship to continue. Usually all this can be worked out. If not, run to a good couple’s counsellor. We are all human and the best research, planning and performance sometimes need a little help.

Kathy Infeld

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