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Lovers – a luxury or a necessity?

Lovers - most definitely

I find myself pondering this question often and never arriving at the same conclusion.  I suppose much depends on where you are in your life and how content you maybe, not just with your partner, but with your job, your self esteem, your life, your family – quite simply how well you are feeling or how damp, grey and lifeless it may all seem and that’s not just about your hair on that day!

I once found myself on a train coming back from a particularly busy business trip. After a long journey, I managed to catch my connection (quite a miracle in itself) and remember the bliss of slipping into my seat, thinking only another couple of hours to home. When I say slipping, it gives the impression of gliding gracefully into my luxury 1st class seat. In reality, what actually happened was more like an out of breath herd of elephants, suffering from complete exhaustion, hurtled down the economy class carriage with the agile speed of a snail, leaving a trail of fluttering newsprint, dislodged rubbish, moving arm rests and jostled bags and people behind me as I lumped myself down with all of my many bags.  Why I can’t manage to fit everything into one little bag with wheels, I will never know?!!!

Anyway, after fanning myself down, re-arranging my seating and putting on my blissful flip-flops I looked up to see a posse of guards coming down the aisle tutting in unison – it appeared that my connection was going no-where.  And that is when I saw the most incredible pair of sexy blue eyes staring at me and smiling. Wow I thought, who the hell is he staring at (but still my heart gave a huge leap, just in case) and my feet were rammed back into my totally lovely but oh so painful high heels!  I dutifully balanced my bags and waited patiently in line to get off the train.  As I stood on the platform waiting to be told where to catch the next train, a voice behind me said, “Hi, can I help?  With all your bags?  As we seem to be stranded, for a while at least, do you fancy a drink?”

The rest is history and it was extremely naughty, very, very sexy and quite often!  Would I change this? You must be joking.  Did I love my partner any less? Absolutely and most definitely not.  In fact I felt completely invigorated and operating in all areas of my life at top speed.  It was terrifyingly exciting – is it akin to the rush of heroin?  I will probably never know – but for me it was a high and one I would repeat.  Did these feelings last?  No, they didn’t. Reality crept slowly back and quite soon it ended almost as soon as it started.

Lovers don’t provide security, nor do they bring that lovely safe home environment where walking naked in your old grey period pants still manages to get your partner going and they laugh when your trumps are louder and longer than theirs but still that doesn’t deter them!  I won’t even attempt to compete on the smell front!  Lovers don’t provide that home where you just long to get back to and snuggle up against and share the rest of your life with, whatever the ups and downs.  Lovers are a moment in time, something where your whole life and body is risked for a passing high.

A friend of mine was having an extremely sexy relationship via text with someone she had met fleetingly.  He said “I want your body next to mine.”  Her reply was “When you see my body you might regret that request”. (After two babies, her body confidence was not as it once was).  His reply was “Don’t be daft, of course I will – you are sexy, you are passionate and I can’t get you out of my mind!”  Well for my friend this was exactly the boost she needed and suddenly the day was a better day.  I shall wait to see what happens next, maybe this will never go beyond a text.

It is not for me to judge and I am certainly not recommending taking a lover. Emotions run high and I suspect, had my own experience lasted longer, both of us would have wanted quite different things.  A wise and lovely friend once said to me:  “Is it worth getting caught for?”  And in those reckless and heady moments it certainly is, but once these are gone then it isn’t worth clinging too.

One thing is for certain – it is not worth risking your life, your home and your children for – but it is certainly something to enjoy.  For me, lovers are both a luxury and a necessity.

As Real Women what do you think or what relationship advice would you give?


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  1. My cousin recommended this blog and she was totally right keep up the fantastic work!

  2. this post is very usefull thx!

  3. Sandie says:

    Defo a necessity! – I couldnt have stayed with my husband for 28 years if I didn’t have the occasisonal ‘romp’. Just be careful though my last was a work colleague and that got quite heated – so be careful and choose your victim wisely!
    PS. Im between lovers, so any takers???

  4. Maggie says:

    I’ve never been faithful in any relationship I’ve had, for me it’s just not possible. There are so many sweeties in the sweetie shop these days, that choosing just one bag is too hard. So for me, lovers are a necessity just to get you through the day!

  5. Jen says:

    Wow, what a fabulous article. Made me want to linger longingly on platforms, in the hope of spotting some incredibly sexy blue eyes – I wish! x

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