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Hairy What?

Hairy what-Shes only 25!

I’m 44 this year and almost suicidal.   Every conceivable part of my body has gone south. I woke up recently and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror – believe me the reaction was not good!  My normal ‘pert’ breasts had sunk overnight leaving my nipples in hibernation under my armpits.  My four spare tyres had split into eight and my pube line was now only an inch from my belly button and about four from my knees.  What the hell was going on?????  I have developed exceptionally hairy fingers, toes and chin and don’t even get me started on my nasal hair!

On closer inspection I also discovered that small fine hairs have appeared on my face, a few ‘wart’ like spots have developed on my forehead and my eyebrows have almost disappeared to the point where I am going to have to resort to a ‘comb over’ with the 10 hairs I have left – how that is going to work I have no idea…  Maybe a permanent black marker pen will help? …
I can feel mild hysteria slowly starting to build as I inspect my reflection closely – how did I miss all this?  Instead of stopping at that point and consoling myself with a bag of maltesers, I do the worse thing possible and carry on.  I inspect all around my backside and yes I am ashamed to admit – I have a hairy bottom!  Not full hair (like I’m wearing pants) but I can feel a couple of soft, thin hairs that have obviously been missed.  How long they have been there I dread to think…

So, do I stop now?
Hell no – I strip naked and look at myself in the mirror – I don’t mean my usual ‘stand straight, chin up, boobs out, stomach tucked in’ look, I mean a real ‘this is me’ look.  My silhouette is awful.  I have round shoulders and a sticky out bum.  I have huge thighs and a wobbly tummy – in fact I look totally defeated and ‘grey’.  This is not good.  My hair looks listless; my face is tired and droopy… and oh, what’s this? Well hello and welcome to my new family member, two chins! – When did they arrive?

I sit on the edge of the bed and wonder where the years have gone?  I always promised myself that by the time I was forty I was going to be fit and healthy – a real MILF.  I look down at my cushion belly and squish it tenderly.  That hasn’t changed – it’s still full of stretch marks and still sits nicely over the top of my pants – I have to say I do love my belly – my proof of motherhood and a lifetime’s devotion to chocolate.  I sigh deeply as I spot the leathery look of my skin on the back of my hands and finally admit – I’m getting old and the ageing process has suddenly, almost overnight started to show its signs.

When I look back could I have done anything differently? If I’m honest – yes.  I definitely could have eaten healthier and I certainly could have done some exercise.  But instead I just spent thousands of pounds on magic lotions that promised to transform me overnight. Ever disappointed I would place the ‘miracle’ into a drawer and move onto the next one, always refusing to acknowledge the very simple fact that no creams, no matter what the cost, could turn back time!

Now, six years on I rely heavily on beauty treatments (thank you AUK) and a great product called A313 – these are my new miracles but please ladies - take heed.  Don’t leave it too late.  If you want to age gracefully then start working at it now – it’s never too early!


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  1. Oda Lagard says:

    Ver good site! I am loving it!! Will come back again – taking your feeds also. Thanks.

  2. Bustyblonde76 says:

    I love this – just got my 10 year old daughter to read it as well. Made me smile – perfect description of how Im feeling myself at the moment – pleased to know Im not the only one!

    Keep up the good work – love this site and glad I came across it. Will be telling all my friends at work…

  3. Sarah Newton says:

    This made me laugh! What a brilliant article. Me and my mum read it over a cup of tea – we haven’t laughted like that for along time.

  4. [...] interest. Other factors which come into play are that some women feel less attractive, and are more self-conscious of their body.  I know that if I have put on a few pounds and have not been doing regular exercise, [...]

  5. Emily says:

    Its sounds like your’e describing me! Very funny but true lol

  6. Fiona says:

    I know exactly how you feel – I felt the same when I hit my 40′s. Don’t get too hung up about it – once you hit 50 you really start to care less about your self image and more about those around you. Just grin and bare it for now – the panic will soon pass.

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