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Anal Sex

 

sues bum

Anal sex has always been a bit of a taboo subject until recently.  When I was a teenager only the more adventurous of my friends ever talked about ‘it’ and even to say ‘it’ was quite radical.  I can remember making the right noises and joining in with the conversation, but the thought of anyone going anywhere near my ‘bottom’ almost made me gag.

I had my first anal experience when I was about 24.  I was dating a black guy who was extremely well endowed!  We were staying at a caravan park with a couple of friends.  One night we were feeling quite randy so we decided to go back to the caravan early to make the most of our time alone.  Now my ex had been nagging me for a while to try anal sex and being madly in love I wanted to show willing.  I had let him venture down there as a treat on special occasions; never to put his ‘thing’ in I might add, but to have a little play and help me get used to having my bum area inspected closely.  As a result I got the occasional ‘small push’ with his finger but that was it! Even that small amount of pressure left me walking like John Wayne and feeling uncomfortable all day, so to say I wasn’t keen was a huge understatement.

Anyway, this particular night, after much coaxing and gentle persuasion I thought we could give it a go – my ex was very patient and tried everything to get me to relax.  He was so considerate - sensual, gentle, caring, loving, it was definitely working! It wasn’t long before it got rampant; hot, steamy and raw – and suddenly I felt the moment had come – I was ready!..  I felt his willy against my bum hole and WHAM!  He tried to ram himself right in – I went absolutely berserk; shouted a few choice words and needless to say our relationship finished soon after.

So am I opposed to anal sex? – No not really, each to their own.  I just think it would be nice if a man actually asked the question rather than assuming it – not every woman likes the idea of her bum hole being invaded and if the woman is willing, then at least have the patience to work up to ‘that’ moment  together.

A recent report suggests anal sex had become more common in heterosexual couples…  Really I thought? Not in my household!  Is it just me or is anal sex turning into a bit of a fashion statement? I asked my sons and a couple of their friends (all in their early to mid 20s’) what they thought about anal sex – and I was quite surprised at the answer – they were all into giving anal sex, but when I asked if they would receive anal sex from a girlfriend by either finger or dildo insertion, they all started to gag and told me quite bluntly that that was their exit hole, not an entry hole and would remain so and no amount of prompting – not even regarding their ‘g’ spot would change their minds.  Was this down to their youthful ages or the fact that ‘mum’ was asking the question?  Was the report referring to increased anal activity for both sexes, or just for women?  Was anal sex something that you grew into as you got older?  Or was it down to misconception (brought on by the easily accessible on-line sex videos) that anal sex was an everyday part of the lovemaking act?

A study carried out in 2009 suggested that 30% of pornographic DVDs which are on sale in the UK feature some form of anal intercourse.  Having looked at some of the free sex sites available and watching quite a selection of video clips, anal sex does appear to come across as part of the normal sex routine and is more often than not shown to be quite painless for the woman.  My limited experience would say this is not so! – having anything foreign placed into your backside can hurt!  Or perhaps it’s me and anal sex is like plucking your eyebrows – the first time it kills but the more you do it the less painful it becomes?

So if anal sex is becoming more acceptable as part of the lovemaking routine, what are the risks and what do we need to be aware of? As with any sexual act, hygiene and common sense plays a huge part in keeping us all safe and infection free.  However, there are a few extra rules when dealing with the anal area:-

Ensure the anal area is clean and the bowel is empty. This is important. If the bowel is empty, there is no risk of the receiving partner being caught short and having to live with the embarrassment of passing poo.

The ‘receptive’ partner must be able to relax the anal muscle in order to accommodate the erect penis/dildo/finger.  Although this muscle can be relaxed under voluntary control, work around the whole area and take your time to ensure that the receiving partner is nice and relaxed and ready, as forced penetration may result in tearing of the sensitive skin around the anus. This may result in severe anal pain or even incontinence.

Try gently inserting a lubricated finger, perhaps covered by a condom or glove into the anus first. This will enable the receiving partner to find out whether penetration is comfortable and enjoyable. Having managed to accommodate one finger, you can run the finger around the anal canal – gently stretching it. This must be done delicately so as not to cause pain or injury.
Next, you can, if you wish, try and insert two fingers. If this is successfully achieved, the couple may agree to try with a well-lubricated penis or with a butt plug (a broad-based anal dilator), dildo or vibrator.

Please remember that if the receiving partner says ‘no’ at anytime or asks you to stop, then you must do so.  As with any sexual act, consent is paramount.

Gentleness, care, adequate lubrication and anal relaxation are required.  Trying to push harder will cause unnecessary pain and discomfort. If condoms are used for penile penetration, which is advisable to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted disease, it is important to use a water-based lubricant. The insertive partner must control any urge to thrust until the receiving partner is ready. Apparently, this may become easier and more enjoyable with time!

Final note

I think it’s important to remember that while some people may find these activities repulsive, others may find them stimulating, exciting, and a part of their normal sexual relationship.  However, please practise safe anal sex as sexually transmitted diseases can still be caught.  You can buy specially toughened condoms which are designed for anal intercourse which may offer extra protection and water based lubricants and KY Jelly are also recommended.

Sue Hessom

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1 Comment »

  1. Caronatter65@gmail.com says:

    I was shocked to find an article like this on this site but once I’d read it I quite liked it.
    I showed it to the girls at work – they are different ages. It was the younger girls that were more shocked than the older ladies – what does that tell you!

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